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Lost.
In my thoughts.

Confused.
About my desires.

Selfish.
Striving for what I want.

Lonely.
In this world.

We all want to be heard,
But no one wants to listen.

We all want respect,
But don’t want to respect others.

We all want to be loved,
But don’t want to love.

—-
Maybe I just need a hug or maybe I should give up and move to the Emo Farm

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As I get older I seam to become more and more forgetful. It used to be that I had to remember all my friends’ birthdays and make sure to get them cards and gifts. Well now it seams the older I get the more mine and there birthdays alike seam to be a lesser and lesser deal. It seams to me the older I get the less I want to get old. Well, Happy Birthday to everyone who’s birthday I’m gonna forget!

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“I’m so far from perfect; I am a failure at best.” I am often reminded by these words from the band My Red Hot Nightmare’s song “weight of another.” Perhaps it’s because I seam to relate everything in my life to a song. Possibly, it’s because I like to focus on the negativity in my life. It could even be the simple fact the song has a catchy tune and pretty meaningful words. Whatever the reason is, the fact still remains that people fail, no ones perfect, and sometimes trying your best doesn’t get you anywhere.

I’ll try not to focus on the negative to much this holiday weekend but I suppose I often feel like: I lose my temper to often, don’t listen enough, take advantage of people too much, and not always try my best. Hence why I am far from perfect. I often encourage myself to try harder and not do these things but then I do maybe that’s why I like Christmas, it seams everyone has a little more grace and mercy at Christmas, a little more love, and a little more patience.

Wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas and a marvelous New Years.

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I am what some would call a dreamer. This in the simplest form means, I have great ideas and expectations of what/who I want to be.People often laugh or just stare in utter silence when I tell them my dreams. This just makes me want to succeed more to try harder, run faster, and fly higher.

However, my wants often collide with lack of motivation. This usually comes in the form of an epic battle of good versus evil. I have to be honest here; this lack of motivation prevails in many of these instances. The fact of the matter is it’s so easy to want to do extraordinary things but it is much more difficult to live it out. As many would put it “talk is cheep.”

I have been trying to constantly challenge myself to get over my lack of motivation, this evil inside that tells me that I can proceed to be apathetic. I have to remind myself of my goals my hopes and my dreams.

My man John Ruben summed my feelings up perfectly in the song “Do Not”
lack of understanding lack of communication
lack of a desire for expanding education
lack of inspiration lack of innovation
the fact you can’t respect another mans creation
lack of motivation lack of restoration
the fact we lack unity and enjoy separation
lack of destination because you know what I feel
I feel that humans lack the ability to be real

The problem is not that I don’t have the talents or skills needed just that I don’t have the motivation to carry out my dreams. I can see them shining through the haze.

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“You’ve been living life like it’s a sequel
And your already bored with the plot
As if the cast and the score
Are more money than before
But the script and the backdrop are stock” – Switchfoot ,C’mon C’mon [Lyrics]

If you are like me you often times will hear a song and fall in love with it. I find myself doing this a lot with songs by Switchfoot. The song C’mon C’mon is about how we need to stop talking about change and start changing. I am learning every day that I am having a passion for changing this world starting with changing myself. It’s interesting that when you ask someone what is wrong with this world they will say things like “lack of love”, “people hate to much”, “isolation”, and “selfishness.” Then you ask them the million dollar question, what are you doing about it. Often times this leads to silence, awkward silence.

“There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we’d all love one another.” -Frank Zappa

This is another one of my life mottos that I try to live by that we all need to love each other. Well by now I have realized (and I’m sure you have too) that I have no idea where I am going with this blog entry so I will close with this. Try each day to love each other whatever the cost.

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